Can I Get You Something to Drink?

Iced Coffee?

During my Vocational and Short-Term Missions course this semester, we’ve been walking through Sarah A. Lanier’s book Foreign to Familiar. It’s a book that gives a really helpful, if highly generalized, framework of the two broad kinds of cultures: Hot-Climate Cultures and Cold-Climate Cultures. It’s worth the read if you do any kind of contact with people of other cultures.

She starts the book by telling the story of her upbringing in the Middle East. Israel, she shares, has a very direct communication style, while Lebanon tends to be more indirect. For example, when someone asks you if you’d like some coffee in Lebanon, you’re supposed to refuse. Even if you want the coffee. You’re supposed to refuse not once, not twice, but three times. At that point, the host will bring out the coffee and serve you. In this way, you’re communicating to the host that you value their hospitality rather than the coffee itself.

That got us sharing about the ritual of offering drinks when visitors come to your house. And it got me very aware that I’ve been unintentionally telling every guest that comes to my house that I don’t actually want to give them anything to drink. [facepalm]

In the US, when someone comes to the house, generally you ask, “Can I get you something to drink?” Then you tell them all the different things that you have on hand. Water, coffee, tea, soft drink, etc. Your guest will tell you what they want (or refuse politely) and you’ll serve them.

That’s how I’ve been offering drinks to people in my home for three years. Three years.

In Sierra Leonean homes, when a visitor arrives, you don’t ask. You bring the water. And if you have it, you bring out coffee, tea, soft drinks, juice. Generally you bring it in on a tray so that people can choose what they want.

I’ve now talked to many, many Sierra Leoneans about this. And they all say the same thing... If someone offers first, what they’re communicating to their guest is that they're doing it out of duty but don’t really want to give them something to drink. Maybe they don’t have money to buy. Maybe they don’t have time for them to stay. Maybe they just don’t want to give them anything to drink. But generally, if someone offers first, you probably want to say no because they don’t want to give it to you.

Welp. That would have been good information to know. And honestly, had I paid attention, I could have figured it out. A couple years ago. But I thought, well, it’s my house. I’ll do it my way. Smh.

Here’s the lesson: Your version of polite might be someone else’s version of rude. So when working in another culture, best to pay attention to their rituals (even ones as seemingly small as offering a drink) and follow their way. And when welcoming people from other cultures, better to assume the most gracious explanation than to jump to culturally-formed conclusions if they do things that seem a little off.